A SPADE NOT A BIG SPOON!

Dear reader,

I am Love. I love you so very much. I want you to get to know me. I have loved Long before you even took notice of me. I know your name, I know everything about you, I know your weaknesses, your failures, your choices,your sins and I still love you so very much, with a matchless love. However, I hate your sin, it displeases me yet I love you so much and I will not relent till I have you back in my tender loving arms. My people are imperfect, but the work I have started in them, I will surely complete it until the coming of Our Lord Jesus Christ.It may seem that they hate you and some probably do, but I want to tell you this.
You are my creation. I love you so very much and my heart breaks because of your sin, my daughter, my son, sin is not your identity, I am.
I The Lord your God, God of Abraham and Isaac.

I want you to know my love. How high, how wide,how deep is my love for you. All I ask is you give me a chance.

Love Jesus Christ,
 

1 John 1:5-10
5 This is the message he has given us to announce to you: God is light and there is no darkness in him at all.
6 So we are lying if we say we have fellowship with God but go on living in spiritual darkness. We are not living in the truth. 
7 But if we are living in the light of God’s presence, just as Christ is, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from every sin. 8 If we say we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and refusing to accept the truth. 9 But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from every wrong. 10 If we claim we have not sinned, we are calling God a liar and showing that his word has no place in our hearts.

Yes, we all sin. Now don't get me wrong. Maybe I want to defend God or faith or maybe it's the body of Christ, I am standing firm for here. God loves us absolutely nothing can change that. It is sin He hates.
Right now, we may seem bombarded by all sorts of hate speech or whatever. But what I know is you are loved,God loves you desperately and He wishes you would part ways with sin.

Honestly, the way I see it, people will love you because they know God is love but they also know,knowing God and living in God does not mean accepting sin to be A.O.K.

We will have turned wrong to right and right to wrong. It is not that Christians hate gays, it is because we love God and fear Him that we desire to keep His decrees so adamantly and if I have failed as a Christian to the love a sinner and hate the sin but instead have loved the sinner and tolerated the sin or hated the sinner.

I am not perfect and in fact have sinned as well.

So let's not throw words at each other and settle this matter. Violence will not solve it.
Cursing each other will not either.
Let's call a spade a spade not a big spoon.

New Wine, New Wine Skin

Oh God I know I have deep rooted problems

And I am never satisfied with just knowing something

I always want to understand it

Understanding things creates depth and a connection to clarity,certainity and peace, I just love wrapping my mind and heart around,

The confidence to fully express myself to the exact detail 

Eliminates confusion and more pain and wastes less time,

I know you know exactly what my deep rooted groaning is all about,

How they came about, and why they still exist

My emotions are frantic, scratching and screaming with the eagerness to move on

A burning in my heart I want to let go

I know how poisonous it is

I am tired of who I have become because of pain, unforgiveness and mostly shame

God I really don't know what you see in me

I know that you love me

For a change this year I want to be the woman you see

I want to stop clinging to identity my emotions say I am

And be who You say I am in every sense of the word

I want to abandon the shame, the pain 

I come to you seeking refuge, direction, renewal of my heart, healing of my heart

And so much more

I want to cling on you

Be my identity, be my smile, my love, my everything

Who am I? You have placed so much value in me 

I am saved by grace,

But all I potray is my disgrace

That is not how it's supposed to be

You changed my life in great ways

Those who witnessed and are still witnessing 

Know that you are The God of Wonders

I want to experience change in my inner most being

Oh Jesus Christ

You know exactly where it hurts

Change the attitudes of my heart,

Make them beautiful, positive, uplifting,alive

Healed,washed,cleansed

I know that I need you

Oh Jesus woe me

Take pity on me

Give me your shoulder so I lean on it

Give me your clothe that I may wipe my tears with it

Give me your encouragement

Give me yourself

You have shown me unconditional love

Kept me when I didn't want to kept

Cleanse me when I wanted to be dirty

You chose me when I wanted nothing to do with you

Yet Oh God I give myself to you

Stretch your strong arms and take me  into your arms

Let the fire of The Holy Spirit , the love of The Holy Spirit towards You grow in great depth in my inner most being

I want you

I need you

I am thirsty for you

I hunger for you

Teach me Your ways 

I no longer want to believe myself

I want to believe you

No longer do I want to be friends with the ghosts of my past

I want that new wine, in the new wine skin

Lord Jesus, my efforts, my strength have failed me

Send forth your Word that I maybe new wine in the new wine skin now!

I no longer want to live a defeated life

I no longer want to think defeated thoughts

I say no more, I have had enough of the torture

My God sits on the throne

You have given me victory

 

Today I am a blessed woman

I am worthy

I am loved

I am not my insecurities

I am not my past 

I am strong, I am able

I am the daughter of the most High God, Jesus Christ

I am saved

I am confident, I am bold

I am wise, I am discerning

 I am self controlled

I am kind, I am loving, I am patient

I am capable, I am Spirit-filled

I am moving forward!!!! 

You were always listening

I tried to speak,
But my voice was drowned by rejection and abandonment,
I resorted to hiding myself in the pages of diaries upon note books,
Feeling stabbed I expressed my bleeding wounds with pen and paper,
A hurting heart that tried almost everything to make sense of the pain,
To make it go away,
You watched me suffer all that time,
Why?
I hear you say, " I love you."

Last night, I sat awake in my bed,
I realized I have been sitting in silence for a very long time,
I gave up on ever speaking,
And now for  the first time of my life,
 I actually had something important to say,
But it was covered with shame,pain and questions why,
Suddenly from the 13 year old girl lost and confused,
10 years down the line my voice had still never been heard,
But my walls were high and well known.
He robbed me the confidence to speak,
and everything that involved speaking became a task,
I would swallow my speech,
and empty my mind,
my identity had sadly become one of shame,worthlessness....
The hard nut to crack!
So why would my opinion matter? I would ask myself.
I am the disgrace, I would think,crying

Wishing,hoping I would be loved,
Held and told all would be okay,
And know that someone was listening to the cries of my heart,

Oh God I know you are still listening
Forgetting isnt healing
Heal me.

Step by step you lead me :-)

DIRTY CLOTHE

Hi everyone,
This is my story,
I LOVE YOU even though I do things YOU hate.
I never meant to hurt you,
I never meant to break your heart,
I never wanted to break your heart,
When I met you the beginning of last year
My life was a mess and you changed it around with your profound love
I had never known such a love
I abandoned the life I used to live
So I could be with you forever
And I was more than pleased to accept you
I wanted to be wherever you were
I wanted to know your thoughts
I wanted everything to do with you
And I really loved everything about you
For once in my life
I was certain that I had made the BEST decision
Even though I didn't chose you
But it is you who chose me

What a privilege!
Twas to be counted  favored,loved,chosen,redeemed,blessed
Beautiful! I tell you

So here I am in the new year,
My life is pathetic
I cannot say it is worthy of you
Yet I am so sorry
I wish we could be like we used to be
How I loved the word that you always spoke about me
How I wished my friends, strangers would encounter your unfailing love
And now it is I, who is longing for your unfailing love
It is I, lost again,
I have been entangled by the things of the world,

I have stopped reading the word you gave me
I have found myself idle many times
My mind has wandered
One morning I could wait
The next morning I could not wait anymore
I started to masterbate and to watch pornography
Although I confessed the sin
Quickly masterbation and pornography became solutions to my problems
Quickly I was polluting the temple of the Holy Spirit
I knew I was, did I care ? Of course I did
I was doing the things you hate!!

My heart was broken and it was drowning in hopelessness
What is the point? I would ask myself angrily
My life is a script already written
There's nothing new under the sky
I mean I chose a few seconds of pleasure over You
How could I?
How could I live with myself?

Oh God, I just don't want to repeat sin
Not only I but my children too
I look at the sins I have committed in my life
And I really feel pity for my children
I have been thinking a lot about generational curses
And I really feel pity!
Now God you know I wish I could change that,
I wish I could break them

<sigh>

You told Cain, that sin was crouching and he should subdue it and be its master.
I must subdue sin and be it's master!

Hmmm...
Lord Jesus Christ,Forgive me
I know I have overcome and God I know I am free of masterbation and pornography
Let the weak say I am Strong,
Let the poor say I am Rich,

Yes I am child of God and still human
I do not stop experiencing the ups and downs of life because I am born again
But because I am in Jesus Christ,He is my wisdom, He is my victory
And though many times I will fall and fail,be as it may.

I will get up, shake the dust off and keep running the race
My God has taught me that masterbation and pornography is wrong
And because It is wrong to Him,it is wrong to me too.
I never want to stand before you Lord,with my own self entitled righteousness because of the 'good' things I have done or the 'good' person I am.
My own righteousness  is like a dirty clothe.

Thank you Jesus Christ for YOU are my Righteousness.