Crushed,I wonder no more!

I am crushed and I don't  have the ability to entertain you any more

I am being cautious not to hurt you with my words so don't mind the distance

It is for your safe keeping

I don't  have it in me to believe in 'happy ever afters' anymore

Reality is too cruel for me to risk my heart like that ever again

The dish is too cold I have become numb.

I am grieving the loss of a loved one

Letting go isn't easy

I love you and I don't know how to get past this great grief etched deep in within me.

It's a deep deep ache I simply cannot explain.

Greet my silence coz that's all I can muster to express

You may not understand it 

Neither do I

My heart is heavy with grief

Sometimes it burns with anger 

Regret and shame come with disappointment 

Is this the end?

I am worn out 

I wonder no more

How do I go on?

Dear God,I can't go on

The hurdles are breaking me to pieces

I don't have the strength to look at him

Where is the road for me to follow?

Or the hope to look at the road ahead 

How do I go on?

Look, hasn't this cycle happened in my life over and over again?

When  shall it be broken?

Who am I that I cannot find rest from the tales/ ghost of my past?

Am I not worthy to be loved the way you have taught me in your word?

How do I go on?

I am angry 

I am hurt

I requested something from you Lord 

With pain, begging, weeping 

I knew my choices had many times led me to shame

And I wanted love that never came

Many vows that were broken

Let's not talk about lies that gave me false hope.

I am again witnessing them happen again

How can I go on?

Of what value am I?

 The one thing I want to keep a tight rope on 

The one thing I never want experience nor my children plagues my life

How long LORD?

How can I go on?

What do I do

I do not trust him

I am angry

Where is the Truth?

Where is the Action?

I do not have the strength to bare this scars 

So how can I go on?

As I begin to regret my choice 

Knowing full well that I am not perfect 

I wish things were different

I wish I could forgive you

God, if this must go on 

You must change lot of things 

I desire perfect, but in essence I really want more of you 

God I will take a miracle too

I will take you intervening

Help me go on...

No Fight Left

oh LORD,Jesus Christ am giving up,
i try to tighten my grip to move forward
i don't have the strength any more
i am not interested in this
i just want to go, disappear
where to i don't know
and there is no fight left within me.

i don't have purpose no more
every where i turn
here i am unable
there i am dissatisfied
look keenly is this what you desired for me
this is not what i desired for myself
oh God i cant live like this anymore
my heart is heavy with pain, grief
and there is no fight left within me.

Jesus, i know you understand my woes
and know them
i don't want to be like this
where is thy hope?
will you rescue me?
please hear me
theres no fight left

God if you don't rescue me who will?
Jesus do something
anything, i need you
do not let me die a little more inside tomorrow.

you have given me air to breathe
yet i live without purpose
just a another day of misery
no breakthrough, no redemption
yet this are the very things i want you to bring forth
joy, breakthrough,redemption, saturation of the Holy Spirit,
purpose, strength the list is endless

God would you meet my spiritual needs?
my tank is empty
the gauge is reading empty minus minus negative zero
i  am running the race or am i crawling on the ground for victory?
look at my poor state with compassion
send forth thy word.