You were always listening

I tried to speak,
But my voice was drowned by rejection and abandonment,
I resorted to hiding myself in the pages of diaries upon note books,
Feeling stabbed I expressed my bleeding wounds with pen and paper,
A hurting heart that tried almost everything to make sense of the pain,
To make it go away,
You watched me suffer all that time,
Why?
I hear you say, " I love you."

Last night, I sat awake in my bed,
I realized I have been sitting in silence for a very long time,
I gave up on ever speaking,
And now for  the first time of my life,
 I actually had something important to say,
But it was covered with shame,pain and questions why,
Suddenly from the 13 year old girl lost and confused,
10 years down the line my voice had still never been heard,
But my walls were high and well known.
He robbed me the confidence to speak,
and everything that involved speaking became a task,
I would swallow my speech,
and empty my mind,
my identity had sadly become one of shame,worthlessness....
The hard nut to crack!
So why would my opinion matter? I would ask myself.
I am the disgrace, I would think,crying

Wishing,hoping I would be loved,
Held and told all would be okay,
And know that someone was listening to the cries of my heart,

Oh God I know you are still listening
Forgetting isnt healing
Heal me.

Step by step you lead me :-)